asphyxiated .

I hate thinking that these are games.


You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

Even your friends can spend 5 minutes without avoiding the legitimate question of " how are you,really". You obviously can't. Don't ask if you don't respond.

If you thought it was funny, it wasn't. It was stupidity that looked like jealousy of something SO FAR AWAY.

I don't like the switching of roles,either.

Now i'm going to go an hour and a half away, to put myself in another awkward situation. Fuck me seriously.



It's my fault for putting you on a pedestal. The difference - what i thought was very calming, has now become a blurry image i can't even make out anymore.Now you're just like everyone else.

I hate.